Inside The Life Of A Consumer Addict

“Come on, Judi, can’t we get out of here?"

“Five more minutes, I promise."

“Mommy, I’m bored!"

“Five more minutes, really, I promise!"

“Mommy!"

“Ju-u-d-eeeeeee!"

“Ok, ok, I’m moving as fast as I can! Five more minutes, I promise!"

When I finally finish my grocery shopping, I find my husband and daughter sitting by the concession stand annoyed and bored. Ignoring them, I announce that I'm finally finished with all of the shopping and want to go home. My ‘five minutes’ turned into two hours and my family is irritated… I mean, re-e-e-ally irritated with me.

Do I blame them? No, not really, actually, when I shop, I annoy myself but I can’t help it. There’s so much to choose from with exciting new packaging and all the ‘newer and better’ items; I get confused with the many choices.

I should know better because advertising is my business and I understand branding but still…

Take our bathroom, for instance. There has to be at least twenty shampoo bottles lined up around our bathtub. Can I help it that each bottle is prettier than the other? Can I help it that one brand adds more body than the other yet another smells prettier? This really, I mean really, annoys my husband.

Blow dryers? Twenty years ago, there wasn’t very much to choose from but, today, well today we have a plethora of choices, which is why I have six blow dryers … even though I use only one.

Let’s not forget the curling irons. Revlon alone manufactures about twenty-five but then there’s Conair… no, I don’t have twenty-five curling irons, but I do have quite a few.

My problem is that I just can’t decide. For instance:

The cereal isle is quite a chore for sure. Who can blame me? General Mills, Post, Kellogg’s, Quaker Oats… I never can decide. When choosing toothpaste, I have been known to spend more than fifteen minutes alone in that isle. I like the packaging of Mentadent, but my husband is loyal to Crest. If I buy Crest should it be the plain tube or the dispenser or what about the ‘E-Z dispenser’?

Regular or the whitening but wait – it comes with mouthwash as well…. but then again Aim isn’t too bad and what about Colgate? Yes, maybe I should try Colgate, after all it does state that it is the ‘Number One Brand Recommended by Dentists’. My daughter prefers Spongebob but, then again, she also likes Mary Kay and Ashley’s brand. What to do? I’ll just have decide later and go to ‘an easier isle’, the laundry detergent isle.

Tide is the brand and that should be quick, but it never is. I always buy Tide Liquid with the original scent but, uh-oh, I never noticed Tide Liquid with the ‘clean breeze’ scent before, mmm… I’ll just take a little sniff… nice. Oh, what’s the 2X Tide? Never noticed that before either. Wait, Tide with a touch of Downy? I like that…. Tide Simple Pleasures? How nice… a little sniff… mmm… lavender, ve-e-ry nice. Febreeze Freshness? When did that happen? Oh, now I’m so confused, I’ll have to come back to this isle later.

Let’s see… I need some floor polish—that should be easy! Orange Glo Wood Floor Polish and Cleaner, there we go! Oh, wait; I never noticed Tide’s Floor and All-Purpose Cleaner before? Mr. Clean makes a floor polish for hard wood? Never noticed that… Oh, now Armstrong is supposed to be good, isn’t it? Let me just read this a minute. Ocado, never heard of that… mmm… let me check that out. Yikes, I’m running late, this isle will have to wait as well.

Bar soap. Now, where’s my brand... mmm... I see it, great! Oh, but I do like Tone, especially with the cocoa butter. But Caress’ packaging is so pretty. My husband likes Pure and Natural, nah…. Ivory is pure, why ‘it even floats in water’, but I’m allergic to it, so that’s out. What about Dove, the white bar could be ‘manly’ for hubby; I do like the shape of Dove. Lever 2000? Dial? Isn’t their tagline, “aren’t you glad you use Dial?" I just don’t know… I’ll come back to this isle later.

And so it goes. When it comes to grocery shopping, I spin and stagger in a maze of confusion. Although I do know better, with each new ad, each new product and each new jingle, I get sucked into the vacuum of consumerism. Inexplicably, this is the only area of my life where I remain out of control....

Maybe, this problem is all subconscious or…

…maybe, just maybe, I really hate grocery shopping as much as I hate to iron.

©2008 Judi Lake. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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Judi Lynn Lake has kept up with leading edge business trends throughout her varied and successful career. She had already had her "15 minutes of fame" over and over again before starting her family. Judi and her family now reside in South Carolina, but, having been born and raised on Long Island, NY, it is clearly evident that she will always be a "New Yorker." Today, she successfully runs her own advertising agency which handles everything from logos, branding and package design while she continues to work closely with self-published authors from design to promotion. For more information, visit judilake.com

Honey, Do I Look Fat…You Betcha!

Let’s face it, "do I look fat?" is the trick question that brings terror to everyone, especially all husbands and partners. Whenever I ask my husband ‘the question’, I am really not seeking the truth. Basically, if I am to be honest, I only want to hear what I want to hear.

I will give you an example. I have put on a pound or two that has stubbornly remained. Perhaps my love for Tootsie Rolls is the culprit, I don’t know, yet I recurrently seek reassurances from my husband that I still look attractive.

The other day, after painfully squeezing into my jeans, I immediately scouted my hubby 'for his loving accolades'.

“Gary, do these pants make me look fat?" Without moving his eyes away from the newspaper, he stunned me with the slick response: “You betcha!"

Huh? "You betcha?" Where did that come from? It took hours to squeeze into those jeans and, without even looking at me, all I get from him is a ‘you betcha’?

With a ‘bleeding heart’, I immediately cascade towards my full-length mirror and study my reflection. I do look fat in these jeans, I think to myself as I unwrap another Tootsie Roll. Still, if truth be known, I wanted to hear something, anything from him that would appease me. I didn’t want to hear the truth, and, I certainly did not want to hear, ’you betcha!’

Studying my reflection, and grabbing another Tootsie Roll, I imagine how I actually had envisioned the scene:

Me: “Honey, do these pants make me look fat?"

Hubby: “Not at all, Judi, you look gre-e-eat! You are beautiful and you always look great in anything you wear!"

Closing Scene: I then dart towards him, hug him tightly and tell him how much I love him.

But it never happens that way. Never. So are all men doomed? Probably.

This is definitely not a ‘win-win’ situation no matter how you look at it.

It is definitely 'a damned if you do and damned if you don’t’ situation for everyone involved because it really doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say. We gals know when we look good or not. And, we definitely know when we need to shed a pound or two.

Why then do we ask 'the question’ over and over again when we really desire only one answer? I honestly don’t know. All I know is that I, along with millions of other women, have been asking ‘the question’ for years. And, regardless whether I feel ‘fat’ or not, I really don’t want to be told that I am.

The truth is that I really don’t know what the answer is to avoid the certainty of ‘this doomed question’. I believe that honesty in communication is important but it is not always effective. Not in this case, anyway….

Bravely, as I leave my bedroom, and grab another Tootsie Roll, I hear the roar of laughter coming from our den. Curious, I quietly spy on Gary and my daughter laughing at a Geico TV commercial. The commercial shows a wife asking her distracted husband, "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" to which he, not really hearing the question, cheerfully replies "You betcha!" in response. The voiceover adds: "In the time it takes to pull out the sleeper sofa, you can save hundreds on car insurance."

Ah-ha, I think to myself and laugh aloud. That's how my husband learned to dodge 'the question' so well. What a smart guy, huh?

Now where'd I put the rest of those Tootsie Rolls....

©2007 Judi Lynn Lake. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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Judi Lynn Lake has kept up with leading edge business trends throughout her varied and successful career. She had already had her "15 minutes of fame" over and over again before starting her family. Judi and her family now reside in South Carolina, but, having been born and raised on Long Island, NY, it is clearly evident that she will always be a "New Yorker." Today, she successfully runs her own advertising agency which handles everything from logos, branding and package design while she continues to work closely with self-published authors from design to promotion. For more information, visit judilake.com

And Then God Made... Woman!

Warning To All Men: If you are ‘thin skinned’ then I advise you to ‘pass’ on this article.

If I were a screenwriter, I would have endless material for a sitcom comedy because, well, living with a man sometimes is just that: a comedy. I have a theory that if roles were reversed we would never ever have to be concerned about over population.

I truly think that after one experience of childbirth man would remember every single labor pain and opt out of having any more children… ever.

Although I grew up with two brothers, I never really paid very much attention to our differences. Don’t misunderstand me, I really enjoy men and I genuinely love my husband very much. Regarding my ‘hubby’, however, there is a character trait or two that I must have missed while we were dating….

For instance, when he gets sick. I never saw so much drama in my life. It doesn’t matter the degree of the illness because it’s all the same: the groaning, the sighing, the ‘honey please get me this’ or the ‘honey, please get me that.’ The next time my husband gets sick, I am really tempted to take him to the hospital and let the nurses take over so I can have a vacation. It’s exhausting.

Then there’s the traveling thing. God forbid you ask anyone for directions even if you have been driving five hours out of your way. “Trust me, I know where we’re going. The turn is coming up soon, I am sure of it." Oh, yeah? How come we were supposed to reach our destination five hours ago?

Through my brothers I have witnessed firsthand how easily man changes around a beautiful woman. Oftentimes, an ordinarily strong, sensible man literally ‘melts’ around a beautiful woman. Now I may be wrong, but I really believe, that if the roles were reversed with Adam and Eve, Eve would have never taken a bite out of that apple. No way could Adam have convinced her to do it. I suspect that Eve was gorgeous and poor Adam just could not say no.

Ever fall into a toilet bowl? My daughter has on numerous occasions. Men just assume that everyone wants the toilet seat kept up. Do you know how many times I have heard my little girl cry from the bathroom only to find her slumped in the toilet bowl with her legs waving frantically above her? Well, I have to admit it was funny, but… let’s get serious here.

Now if your business is home based, like mine is, life can be a challenge when your husband has a day off. When we were dating, my husband had many hobbies and could occupy himself just fine if I was not with him. Now? Everywhere I go he’s there.

Last week I was working on a very intensive deadline that required my complete concentration and hubby had two consecutive days off. Every half hour, or so it seemed, he’d come in my office ‘to visit’. By the second hour within his first day off, I ‘kindly’ suggested that he might want to make a few phone calls and see if any of his friends wanted to ‘play’.

Usually, men can only do one thing at a time. Women, on the other hand, are true masters of ‘multi-tasking’ and can handle many things at the same time. A few years ago, I had asked my husband to watch our daughter, Laura, so I could make a few quick errands. Gary, busy in the kitchen preparing one of his yummy dinners, agreed. When I returned two hours later, Laura was nowhere in sight. My husband was so involved in ‘the cooking thing’ that he lost sight of his daughter. ‘Lucky for him’, we found her visiting our next-door neighbor.

Most women are also ‘gifted clairvoyants’. Time after time I share my concerns on matters with my husband simply because ‘I have a feeling’. Time after time my husband responds to me that I am making too much out of things. Time after time I have been right. Women usually do have a ‘sense’ about things and ‘just know’ when something is wrong.

When the time comes for Laura and me to have the ‘mother and daughter talk’, there will be no mention of sex. She will figure that out just fine. There will, however, be an extensive chat about ‘the truth about living with a man’. For that, she will need to be prepared.

(c) 2008 Judi Lynn Lake

Judi Lynn Lake has kept up with leading edge business trends throughout her varied and successful career. She had already had her "15 minutes of fame" over and over again before starting her family. Judi and her family now reside in South Carolina, but, having been born and raised on Long Island, NY, it is clearly evident that she will always be a "New Yorker." Today, she successfully runs her own advertising agency which handles everything from logos, branding and package design while she continues to work closely with self-published authors from design to promotion. For more information, visit judilake.com

Consider Trials Joy? You're Kidding, Right?

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)

Joy in trials? James was kidding, right? He certainly wasn't talking about the trials faced by a 21st-century Christian. Does James expect us to rejoice in challenges like pornographic television, murder-filled video games, demonic movies, judgmental relatives, nasty neighbors, evolution teachings, and abortions preformed right down the street?

Did James have any idea how much today's mothers have to do and how little time there is to do it?

Did he know what it was like to oversleep only to awaken to brothers arguing savagely over a matchbox car while your sweet daughter is drawing on the wall with permanent marker and the toddler is roaming about unsupervised dragging a blanket though the mess the puppy made, and your anti-homeschool mother-in-law is ringing the doorbell? This is cause for rejoicing?

Yep, James was talking to us. We all want a life of justice and fairness void of trials but we are promised trouble, testing, tribulation and suffering. The mighty men of God came only through trouble and suffering. God says, "Tribulation worketh patience; patience, long-suffering and kindness, come by way of trials."

I have spent more than my fair share of time trying to avoid trouble or disappointment and praying against trials. But when I look back over my life I see how these trials have made me stronger, refined me as explained in 1 Peter 1:6-8. God uses trials to bring me to a place of deep surrender of spirit.

This does not mean trials automatically produce spiritual fruit. If we walk in the self-pity of our flesh, trials can make us bitter or resentful, hard, cruel and cynical.

God will transform those who look to Him for guidance. God asks that we have a tender heart, a teachable spirit, and a yielded will. If we surrender the trial to God, and praise Him, trusting He will work the trial for good-we will develop character and noble living produced only through the tribulation process.

Don't pray for exemption from trials, but pray that God will teach you and use troubles to mold you into the person He created you to be.

God's grace is sufficient for every situation (even when your mother-in-law pops over for an unplanned visit). His abundant goodness, kindness, and love are available to us for the asking. He promises to deliver us and give us deeper intimacy and greater faith through all trials.

Learn to recognize trials as treasures in disguise and REJOICE!

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

(c) 2008 Robin Sampson, Guest Writer

Author Robin Sampson has homeschooling for twenty years. She has a "yours, mine, and ours" blended family of eleven children and thirteen grandchildren. Visit http://Heartofwisdom.com to read more.

Robin's writings include The Heart of Wisdom Teaching Approach, What Your Child Needs to Know When, Wisdom: An Internet-Linked Unit Study, A Family Guide to the Biblical Holidays, and Ancient History: Adam to Messiah.

Submitted with gratitude to Robin by Judi Lynn Lake, 2008

Judi Lynn Lake has kept up with leading edge business trends throughout her varied and successful career. She had already had her ‘15 minutes of fame’ over and over again before starting her family. Judi and her family now reside in South Carolina but, having been born and raised on Long Island, NY, it is clearly evident that she will always be a "New Yorker." Today, she successfully runs her own advertising agency which handles everything from logos, branding and package design while she continues to work closely with self-published authors from design to promotion.

Memorable Presidential Bloopers

Oops, Did I Say That?

Since the '08 Presidential Campaign has taken its toll on many, I've decided to compile a list of some memorable bloopers to make the wait less stressful -- enjoy!

Dwight D. Eisenhower

"I just won't get into a pissing contest with that skunk."--1953 - referring to Sen. Joseph McCarthy

John Nance Garner

"The vice-presidency isn't worth a pitcher of warm piss." --after serving as VP to Franklin Roosevelt

Ted Kennedy

"I don't mind not being President. I just mind that someone else is." --1986

Joseph P. Kennedy III

"I've had a tough time learning how to act like a Congressman. Today I accidentally spent some of my own money." --1987 - quoted in Newsweek

Lyndon Johnson

"So dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time." --regarding Gerald Ford

Richard Nixon

"I don't give a sh#t what happens. I want you all to stonewall--plead the Fifth Amendment, cover-up, or anything else. If that will save it, save the plan." --1973 - to his subordinates in the White House during Watergate

Al Gore

"You get all the French-fries the President can't get to." --1994 - on being vice-president, quoted in The New York Times

"During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet.'' --March 1999 - on CNN

George Bush

"It's no exaggeration to say the undecideds could go one way or the other." --1988 - during a campaign rally

"I'm all for Lawrence Welk. Lawrence Welk is a wonderful man. He used to be, or was, or, wherever he is now, bless him." --1989 - not sure if musician Welk was alive or dead

Spiro Agnew

"To some extent, if you've seen one city slum, you've seen them all." 1968

Dan Quayle

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a parent and child."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

"You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are--happy campers you will always be." (1989 - during a visit to Samoa)

George W. Bush

"There's Adam Clymer, major-league a@#hole from The New York Times." --September 4, 2000 - commented near an open microphone while campaigning for the presidency in Illinois

Bill Clinton

"Half the time, when I see the evening news, I wouldn't be for me either." 1995

Hillary Rodham Clinton

"I'd be a terrific governor--a terrific president." 1992 - during Bill Clinton's campaign for president, quoted in The Washington Post

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Count Down: Top Ten Moments In Blooper History

1. Pres. George H. W. Bush, ill with the flu, vomits on the prime minister of Japan, Kiichi Miyazawa, then faints, during a state dinner in Tokyo. (Jan. 8, 1992)

2. Pres. Bill Clinton quibbles about the meaning of the word "is," during inquiries into his relationship with Monica Lewinsky: "It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If theif heif 'is' means is and never has been that is notthat is one thing ... Now, if someone had asked me on that day, are you having any kind of sexual relations with Ms. Lewinsky, that is, asked me a question in the present tense, I would have said no. And it would have been completely true." (Grand jury testimony given Aug. 17, 1998)

3. Presidential candidate Gov. Michael Dukakis (D, MA) visits a General Dynamics plant in Michigan for a photo opportunity riding an M1-A1 Abrams tank and clutching a mounted machine gun. Filmed wearing a helmet that seems too large for his head, Dukakis looks awkward, out of place, and decidedly uncomfortable. (Sept. 13, 1988)

5. Pres. George W. Bush gives a surprise shoulder massage to a shocked German Chancellor Angela Merkel, at a conference meeting during a G-8 Summit in St. Petersburg, Russia. (July 2006)

4. After finishing third in the 2004 Iowa caucus, with 18%, Democratic presidential candidate Gov. Howard Dean (VT) exults to supporters, "Not only are we going to New Hampshire, ... were going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and were going to California and Texas and New York ... And then we're going to Washington, DC, to take back the White House! Yeaaaaagggggh!!!" The televised speech and loud scream strike many viewers as peculiar and unpresidential. (Jan. 19, 2004)

6. During a microphone check, unaware that he is being recorded, Pres. Ronald Reagan jokes, "My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." (Aug. 11, 1984)

7. Pres. Richard Nixon, while campaigning to mute his Watergate and credibility problems, defends his personal finances at a nationally televised Q&A session with a convention of Associated Press managing editors: "And in all of my years of public life, I have never obstructed justice ... people have got to know whether or not their President is a crook. Well, I am not a crook. I have earned everything I have got." (Nov. 17, 1973)

8. Presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry (D, MA) tries to defend himself against charges that by failing to vote in favor of funds for the Iraq War he was betraying American troops, but ends up fueling the perception that he has taken inconsistent positions on issues: "I actually did vote for the $87 billion, before I voted against it." (Mar. 16, 2004)

9. In the second presidential campaign debate between incumbent Pres. Gerald Ford and his Democratic rival, Georgia Gov. Jimmy Carter, Ford makes a misstatement widely seen as ridiculous when he declares, " ... there is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe and there never will be under a Ford administration." (Oct. 6, 1976)

10. Jimmy Carter loudly bungles the name of a former Democratic vice president and icon during a dramatic part of his acceptance speech for the presidential nomination at the 1980 Democratic National Convention: "And we're the party of a great leader of compassionLyndon Baines Johnson, and the party of a great man who should have been president, who would have been one of the greatest presidents in historyHubert Horatio HornblowerHumphrey." (Aug. 14, 1980)

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And now for the popcorn: A Video With Some Memorable Bloopers in the '08 Presidential Campaign courtesy of You Tube:

(c) 2008 Judi Lynn Lake

Judi Lynn Lake has kept up with leading edge business trends throughout her varied and successful career. She had already had her ‘15 minutes of fame’ over and over again before starting her family. Judi and her family now reside in South Carolina but, having been born and raised on Long Island, NY, it is clearly evident that she will always be a "New Yorker." Today, she successfully runs her own advertising agency which handles everything from logos, branding and package design while she continues to work closely with self-published authors from design to promotion.