I will give you an example. I have put on a pound or two that has stubbornly remained. Perhaps my love for Tootsie Rolls is the culprit, I don’t know, yet I recurrently seek reassurances from my husband that I still look attractive.
The other day, after painfully squeezing into my jeans, I immediately scouted my hubby 'for his loving accolades'.
“Gary, do these pants make me look fat?" Without moving his eyes away from the newspaper, he stunned me with the slick response: “You betcha!"
Huh? "You betcha?" Where did that come from? It took hours to squeeze into those jeans and, without even looking at me, all I get from him is a ‘you betcha’?
With a ‘bleeding heart’, I immediately cascade towards my full-length mirror and study my reflection. I do look fat in these jeans, I think to myself as I unwrap another Tootsie Roll. Still, if truth be known, I wanted to hear something, anything from him that would appease me. I didn’t want to hear the truth, and, I certainly did not want to hear, ’you betcha!’
Studying my reflection, and grabbing another Tootsie Roll, I imagine how I actually had envisioned the scene:
Me: “Honey, do these pants make me look fat?"
Hubby: “Not at all, Judi, you look gre-e-eat! You are beautiful and you always look great in anything you wear!"
Closing Scene: I then dart towards him, hug him tightly and tell him how much I love him.
But it never happens that way. Never. So are all men doomed? Probably.
This is definitely not a ‘win-win’ situation no matter how you look at it.
It is definitely 'a damned if you do and damned if you don’t’ situation for everyone involved because it really doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say. We gals know when we look good or not. And, we definitely know when we need to shed a pound or two.
Why then do we ask 'the question’ over and over again when we really desire only one answer? I honestly don’t know. All I know is that I, along with millions of other women, have been asking ‘the question’ for years. And, regardless whether I feel ‘fat’ or not, I really don’t want to be told that I am.
The truth is that I really don’t know what the answer is to avoid the certainty of ‘this doomed question’. I believe that honesty in communication is important but it is not always effective. Not in this case, anyway….
Bravely, as I leave my bedroom, and grab another Tootsie Roll, I hear the roar of laughter coming from our den. Curious, I quietly spy on Gary and my daughter laughing at a Geico TV commercial. The commercial shows a wife asking her distracted husband, "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" to which he, not really hearing the question, cheerfully replies "You betcha!" in response. The voiceover adds: "In the time it takes to pull out the sleeper sofa, you can save hundreds on car insurance."
Ah-ha, I think to myself and laugh aloud. That's how my husband learned to dodge 'the question' so well. What a smart guy, huh?
Now where'd I put the rest of those Tootsie Rolls....
©2007 Judi Lynn Lake. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
Judi Lynn Lake has kept up with leading edge business trends throughout her varied and successful career. She had already had her "15 minutes of fame" over and over again before starting her family. Judi and her family now reside in South Carolina, but, having been born and raised on Long Island, NY, it is clearly evident that she will always be a "New Yorker." Today, she successfully runs her own advertising agency which handles everything from logos, branding and package design while she continues to work closely with self-published authors from design to promotion. For more information, visit judilake.com